


never knew daylight could be so violent

by jackswest



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Complete, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Jim almost dying, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-10
Updated: 2013-09-10
Packaged: 2017-12-26 05:24:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/962102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jackswest/pseuds/jackswest
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jim has one close call too many and Leonard can't hide how much of a toll it's taking on him anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	never knew daylight could be so violent

**Author's Note:**

> Taken from a headcanon from Tumblr (I was unable to find the source, unfortunately)
> 
> "Bones wrapping protectively around Kirk the night after a close call. Kirk joking that he wasn't going to die but Bones strangling him might. Kirk stopping what he's saying immediately feeling Bones' damp face on his back."
> 
> Title of the work is taken from the song "No Light No Light" by Florence and the Machine

It had started as routine. It always did with Jim.

Jim and Spock had gone down to the surface of the planet as they had so many times before, quickly establishing connections with the life forms there. Nyota had accompanied them there, her linguistic ability always their biggest advantage when meeting new cultures. Sulu had been assigned Acting Captain – babysitting the ship, Jim had called it jokingly, but he knew Sulu was more than capable – while they were down there.

It had seemed normal enough from Jim’s Captain’s logs but it still made Leonard uneasy that he was down there—He cut himself from thinking _on his own_.   Jim had Spock, he had Nyota. What he really meant was  _down there without him._

Leonard hated going down on surface missions, much preferring his natural habitat of the medbay (although the crew had noticed that whenever Jim wasn’t on the ship, if he wasn't urgently needed, McCoy would gravitate to the bridge and pace around about the comms, waiting for the Captain to contact the ship) to the exploration Jim was so fond of. But at least if Leonard was with him, he could _fix_ the trouble that Jim always managed to get himself into. Even after a year of travelling in space, Leonard was still wary of the transporter devices.  Leonard remembered the last mission with a wince, where Jim had returned with a piece of glass lodged in his side that had entered his body as they'd materialised.

He'd been so flippant about it, Leonard had ignored him for the rest of his shift.

Jim was making easy and casual contact with the ship, informing the crew about the new life form they were visiting. His reports were interspersed with comments from Spock (normally correcting Jim) and pauses in which Leonard could just _see_ Nyota rolling her eyes.

This life form was a sentient race known as the R’Ksala. Their society was apparently based on the idea of “knowledge is power.” Jim had cheerily reported on the first day that it was like being stuck in a city of libraries. Apparently the ground they walked on was covered with words and the more you knew, the more you were revered in this society.

“I swear to God Bones, it’s almost like being in a city of the dead, the amount of whispering that goes on here. You’d think with all this knowledge they’d want to share it at an audible tone to avoid miscommunication."

The next day had been just as normal, although Spock had commented on the sparseness of the population.

“One would expect that a society that is as well functioning as this one appears to be to have more of their race present. We have been taken through the streets, as per the request of their leader and we have only encountered seven others of their people."

Leonard, medical instincts kicking in, had inquired if there had been any signs of famine and plague. The memory of a planet which had gone to famine and mass genocide had been committed as a solution hung heavy in his mind. He knew Jim would have fallen silent at the question, but he was a doctor first and foremost. 

“Negative, Doctor. There have been no signs of famine or plague which would fit the stereotype. However, I do not have knowledge of these beings genetic makeup and therefore cannot comment if they are currently healthy, especially with having seen so few.”

Only people who knew Jim really well would be able to pick up on the edge of tenseness in his voice when he replied. “Relax Bones, it’s fine. They’re probably just shy or inside studying.”

It was the third day, however, that it all went to shit.

“Uhura to Enterprise! Uhura to Enterprise!” Uhura's normally even and calm voice was raised and urgent.

This was enough to begin the rolling waves of anxiety in Leonard as he reached for a comm set.

“Nyota, it’s Leonard.” They were supposed to address each other by rank or last name in official situations but Leonard had known most of these people far too long for that. “What’s happened?” What’s _wrong?"_ There was a brief moment of silence before Sulu nodded at Chekov.

"Find her location and beam her up right away. We need to get her out of danger and know what's going on," he said, his voice even and smooth. A tense two minutes past before Nyota rushed onto the bridge, her face harried.

“These people, the R’Ksalaans… They decided that the Captain and Spock were not worthy to remain on their planet. And that they needed to be "tested." So they seized them and hauled them off.

She took a small, quick breath and Leonard frowned, worry rapidly building. Alien rites of passage were a wild card; anything could go wrong.

“We found out where the rest of the population is. In the centre of the city, there’s this domed building. The _entire_  male population of this species crams inside and they’re just…" She shook her head, trying to find words to describe the situation. "They're drowned in information, until they've learnt it, until they can repeat it back with no mistakes. They’re not allowed to break to eat or leave or anything…” Her voice broke as she trailed off.

“What happened to Jim and Spock?” Leonard knew his tone was biting and harsh, but goddamn, if it didn’t take a lot to make Nyota nervous and lose her cool. He’d only really seen it once before on an away mission – Nibiru, when Spock’s life had been in danger. If the same thing was happening now, then it meant that Spock's life was in danger, which meant that Jim’s life was in danger as well. Which wasn’t anything that hadn’t happened before but goddamn, it was going to send Leonard into an early grave. 

“They decided that they'd be a worthwhile addition to their population and could provide further information they hadn't had access to before. The ritual, thing they're subjected to is called the Chas’hir.” Her tongue rolled over the alien word with no hitch. “Apparently not many survive it. Only the strongest do. That’s why the R’Ksalaans keep their entire population in there: to try and generate the highest amount of strong minded citizens in the shortest time.”

“Goddamn it,” Leonard swore under his breath, glancing across at Sulu. Their eyes met before Sulu sprung into action, ordering crew around like he’d been born for it. Only Leonard caught the slight moment of hesitation before he began. After all, he was only supposed to be babysitting. But Sulu had been in situations of crisis before, and Leonard watched as he became the picture of authoritative command.

“How long have they been in there, Uhura?” he questioned as he slid off the chair and began to walk back through to the transporter room. Uhura and Leonard followed, as well as Chekov after he called some of the security personnel, sensing that Sulu would be needing them.

Leonard was trying desperately to ignore the thoughts running through his head. Jim was strong… It shouldn’t matter how long he’d been in there, right? He’d be okay, he had a quick mind – he was a fucking genius, for Christ’s sake. But Spock was there too, and Spock’s mind exceeded even Jim’s, and Nyota had _still_ been worried.

“About three hours," she said quietly, reluctantly. This wasn't good. Leonard felt the pit in his stomach sinking even deeper. Thank God it hadn’t been a larger party that had descended, he told himself to avoid thinking of who  _had_ gone down.

“And around what point do they normally… break?” Sulu asked, grimacing at the word.

“Four hours.”

“Right. Allister, Hendrix, you’re with me. We’re going to retrieve the Captain and the First Officer.”

“Requesting to beam down with you, Sulu,” Leonard said out quickly. Sulu glanced at him before shaking his head.

“We’ll have them right back up but we need you here in case they require medical attention.”

“They will,” Nyota murmured softly beside him before looking horrified at her own admission. Then, she straightened, holding herself upright, determined not to let this affect her to the point where she would be ineffective. Leonard would have snapped if it had been anyone but her saying that.

“Chekov, stand by to beam us down.”

“Yes, Captain," Chekov replied, his normally open face drawn by worry.

Leonard watched as Sulu and two other crew members disappeared off the bridge. Leonard turned to Nyota.

“Tell me everything about these people.” In this futile, fucked up situation, the least he could do was be prepared.

**

It was thirty minutes before they heard anything, during which time Leonard had learnt that Nyota was able to get out because the R’Ksalaans were yet _another_ culture which seemed to classify their females as a sub-genre to their species. The leader didn’t see any worth of her and so hadn’t cared much when she’d slipped out, after realising she would be unable to get Jim or Spock out. It had taken longer than expected because the dome building was built like a labyrinth, designed to challenge you mentally. But Nyota had always been a quick study, and Leonard had never been more thankful for that.

When the comms lit up, it wasn't Sulu's warm Californian tones, but Spock’s flat and proper voice. The Vulcan was slightly out of breath as he reported to the ship.

“Spock to Enterprise. I require that you beam the Captain up immediately. The extraction of myself and him was somewhat messy and he has become injured in the process, gravely so.” The slightest tremor portrayed his fear for the situation, like he was thinking of another time Jim was gravely injured. They always did when Jim was hurt. “He requires immediate medical attention. I will follow soon after.”

Leonard and Nyota looked at each other for a heartbeat, before racing to the transporter room. They arrived as two shapes began to materialise on the transporter pad. One was lying down and seemed to be groaning and unable to move. The other (an engineering crew member who Leonard vaguely recognized) was supporting the first figure. Leonard rushed over, trying to press the feelings of worry and doubt and _please let him be okay_ down. He was a doctor and the only way he was going to help Jim was by doing his job.

But goddamn it if Jim didn’t look fucked to high hell.

It was like a punch in the gut. He was both sweating and extremely pale faced. As Leonard got closer, he heard that the groaning wasn’t that at all, it was Jim speaking extremely rapidly in some sort of gibberish. Leonard slid his arm under Jim, feeling the weight of the other’s body press against him, just as it had dozens of times before. It was familiar, but in a completely twisted, sick way. Leonard hurried to the sickbay, half-carrying him with the engineering crew member. Normally there was protocol, normally they'd wait for a stretcher to avoid doing further damage, but there just wasn't time here.

He slid Jim onto the bed, scanning him with his tricorder. Jim’s rapid burbling was now being punctuated by an inability to breath and his eyes rolling back in his skull.

“Come on, stay with me, Jim,” Leonard muttered as he read the results appearing on the tricorder. His mouth dropped open on its own accord.

“I fear the Captain may have suffered some brain damage,” Spock said, appearing in the medbay out of nowhere.

“You're right,” Leonard bit back as he read the diagnosis. The cerebral nerves in Jim’s brain had been completely overloaded, meaning that in about two minutes, Jim could go completely brain dead, and die in the next four.

Die.

The word hit Leonard like a freight train.

He’d never approached this sort of situation before. He didn't even know where to start from an academic level, so he went with the most basic solution. “Chapel, get me 50mL of adrenaline and a regenerator,” Leonard growled, knowing that Christine would be at his side without having to look up. As soon as he was handed the adrenaline, he positioned it right over Jim’s chest.

“This is gonna hurt in the morning,” he muttered as he stabbed the adrenaline hypo into Jim’s heart. His body convulsed and snapped up on the biobed. Leonard slid his hand up to Jim’s neck, feeling his heart rate take off. If they could keep it up high enough, then Leonard might be able to stabilise the nerve endings in Jim’s brain. Leonard had never used a regen for this and he had no idea if it would work, but it was all he had.

“Come on, stay with me Jim,” he muttered again as Jim’s eyes rolled back in his skull. The regenerator began whirring as Leonard pressed it to the top of Jim’s skull. One eye was on the tricorder which was continually scanning him.

It continued to emit the same flat beep.

“Fucking wake up, Jim!” Leonard said, louder this time as he drove the heel of his hand into Jim’s heart in a desperate bid to get the adrenaline circling, without having to give him more, which could endanger him further. He repeated the movement, again and again, waiting for the moment when the adrenaline would hit and the machine would just catch but it never seemed to come.

“Please, Jim.” Leonard’s tone was a desperate plea. He’d already lost Jim once, this way. He couldn’t bring him back from the dead a second time.

A whirring and then a click. The regenerator lit up, and the tricorder suddenly began to beat steadily. Jim’s eyes opened, bright blue eyes locking on Leonard. They were completely lucid, but obviously in pain, shock and fear.

“Bones,” Jim managed to say before slumping onto the bed and Leonard felt the air rush out of him, this time in relief.

“Goddamn it kid, you almost gave me a heart attack.” A titter from Chapel that those weren’t the best choice of words but Leonard ignored them. “I need to make sure your cognitive function is fully intact. Can you tell me your name, age and where you are?

“I’m hoping _all_ my functions are fully intact Bones,” Jim replied pointedly before rolling his eyes. “Captain James T. Kirk, 28, the Medbay of the USS Enterprise. We’ve just returned from a planet called R’Ksala, previously unknown to the Federation before today.” Jim’s tone was monotonous and exhausted by the end of the sentence, as though he'd run out of energy. He blinked slowly, processing his surroundings. 

“Yeah, of course you’d be more worried about your dick than your brain.” All the pent up anxiety and worry had to go somewhere and where better than griping at Jim. Jim grinned at him and Leonard suddenly just felt so fucking… tired. How many times was he going to have to go through this? He’d done it too many times before. He already knew his limits: he couldn’t lose Jim.

So why did it seem like that was what he was so set on doing?

 **

Leonard ran Jim’s vitals another three times that night, continuing to test his response to stimuli. Jim had finally put his foot down after the third time and even managed to coerce Spock into having a word with Leonard on Jim's behalf.

“Doctor, it seems that Jim has not been cognitively impaired as we immediately assumed. If he is physically able, I suggest you clear him to return to duty. The ship needs to return to having its Captain in command.”

Leonard had growled and snarled about how the bloody hobgoblin couldn’t say anything, he had been perfectly fine due to the complex Vulcan mind, but he’d relented and let Jim go.

He hadn’t seen Jim all day as he’d busied himself in the medbay, doing menial activities and shifting a lot of supplies and just generally _avoiding_ Jim without really knowing why.

He’d finally shuffled into his room at about 2343hr and stopped in the doorway when he saw Jim asleep on his bed. For one horrible moment, all he could see was Jim lying lifeless, on a biobed, on the ground, in a body bag. Then Jim rolled over, muttering as he sat up. He blinked, adjusting to the light.

“Bones?” he said dozily and Leonard sighed. Leonard wanted, in this order, a strong drink, a warm shower, and to fall asleep with Jim in his arms. But something told him that he wouldn't be able to sleep without watching to see if Jim was breathing all night.

“Yeah, kid. It’s me.”

“You know," he said sleepily, "as your Captain, I can pull rank on you and make you not be able to call me kid.” Leonard would have chuckled ordinarily but he couldn’t find it within himself.

“I’d ignore that order,” he replied without any real conviction. He abandoned the idea of the drink and the shower when Jim rolled over sleepily, his expression drawing Leonard over to the bed. He pulled off his uniform, before sliding into bed alongside Jim. He felt the other man sigh with happiness and press into him as Leonard wrapped his arms around Jim’s bare torso. His hands came to rest over his heart, feeling it beating strongly, pushing blood through Jim’s body. He was _alive_ , he reminded himself, alive and here with him.

Leonard didn’t notice his hold on Jim had tightened until he shifted in his arms.

“You know, Bones, with how tightly you’re holding me, it might be two near death experiences in one day, and that’s an impressive record for even me,” Jim joked. Leonard went stock still, feeling his throat clench and suddenly unable to stop the tears that fell from his eyes. He pressed his face into Jim’s back, barely hearing as Jim trailed off what he was about to say next.

“You were _dead_ ,” Leonard growled but his voice didn’t come out quite as rough as he intended it to be. He doesn’t lighten the pressure around Jim one bit as his voice shakes. He feels Jim still in the same fashion. “Dead, Jim, and it seems like you’re intent on doing it again. I can’t work miracles twice. I can’t watch you do this.”

“Please don’t go.” Jim words, blurted out before he could stop them, hung heavy in the darkness. And Leonard knew Jim well enough to know that he was truly worried, on some level, that Leonard might actually leave. The kid’s breathing quickened in his arms.

Leonard moved his hands to pull Jim to face him and meets his lips in a hard kiss. Leonard’s cheeks were still wet as they kissed. His stubble brushed against Jim’s smooth cheek and their teeth clashed and bit as their tongues met and Leonard was kissing Jim like he was air and he _needed_ him, and if Jim was gone then he wouldn’t be able to live.

When they finally pulled back, Leonard just stared at Jim like he was going to break apart right now, right in front of his eyes. Jim slid his arms around Leonard this time, holding the doctor against him, anchoring himself to him.

Leonard’s voice was barely above a whisper, muffled by him pressing his face into Jim’s chest. “Don’t _you_ go,” he pleaded, because it was going to break him if he had to keep doing this. Jim just gently lifted his lips up to his again, kissing him softly.

The kiss is a promise, Leonard knew, but Jim wasn't saying it out loud because he was promising something he wasn't sure he could keep.


End file.
